The Ruto Story! When Bad Zoras Go Worse
by lets play pacman
Summary: Everybody hates Ruto! So lets all show our hatred for her shall we!


"Nothing is better than eternal happiness. A ham sandwich is better than nothing. Therefore a ham sandwich is better than eternal happiness."  
  
DICLAIMER: ZELDA GOOD. ME NO OWN ZELDA. IF YOU SUE ME, ME SQUASH YOU LIKE LITTLE FAT CATIPILLAR ON BUSY SIDEWALK.  
  
Link: Um.you know spelled DISCLAIMER wrong, right?  
  
FruityOne: I do not own zel- well, you all get it! If you don't you're stupidand flunked out of high school. And your probably, like, 48 years old, and still need your mama to make your eggos for you every morning.  
  
Link: -_- Eggo waffles are not owned by Fruity loop.  
  
FruityOne: No, but they're stored in my hoodies. (heheh.)  
  
Just a fic I spruced up I while ago when I was bored. It shows my undying hate for Ruto. Ruto is stupid, throw rocks at her. AND THIS IS ENTIRLY FOR OCARINA OF TIME. Because the Zoras in Majora's Mask are REALLY COOL!!!! *singing* Zora punks, Zora punks, Zora punks are so cool! *glass breaks and shatters, and Toby goes into a seizure(Toby is um, my dog. I think he's a dog. He's fat.). Umm, so, let the story begin!  
  
The Hate for Ruto!  
  
Once upon a time, there was a peaceful land called Hyrule. Hyrule was filled to many disturbing creatures, but the utterly most sickening, were the Zoras. They were all worthless, gilled freaks who had nothing better to do but make the lives of every soul in Hyrule weep with misery and inhumane pain. One day, their repulsive, obese excuse for a king got tired of eating Twinkies, and decided to actually get off his flabby fish behind, and do something dirty. So he found some random she-Zora, and spawned a big headed, naked cretin named Ruto. Ruto, being the spoiled loser she was, spent her days feeding an overweight, half-witted minnow named Jabu- Jabu, who was the so-called 'Lord' of the Zoras. One day, Jabu-Jabu actually got some sense knocked into his empty fish head, and decided to swallow Ruto, forcing her into his evil filled body of scaly wonder (A/N: sounds like a hooker add!). After a few days of depressively moping around Jabu-Jabu's immense gut, Ruto decided to acually do something USEFUL. So she wrote an S.O.S. note, and launched it into Lake Hylia, how she did it? Who knows! And who freakin cares!! Then, on one reluctant, super duper day, an incredibly hot boy from the forest, by the name of Link, took the time out of his busy, Hyrule-saving schedule to come, and actually ASSIST the Zora's in their time of need. Since they were all too lazy to get off their tail fins and solve their own problems themselves.  
  
After Link spent a full day cleaning up after the worthless mackerels, he finally discovered Ruto's long lost bottle, and cleverly decided to show it to her hunk of blubber flesh of a father. Once her father interpreted the fact his spoiled rotten princess was missing, he decided to send LINK into Zora's Fountain to rescue HIS daughter. So Link first began on a quest of patience as he waited 7 hours for the obese pile of smelly scales to scoot a mere 4 inches opening Zora's Fountain.  
  
Once Link got to Jabu-Jabu, he was sucked up and swallowed into Jabu- Jabu's massive jelly filled bowels, only to find the colossal headed wannabe Princess Ruto. So, after offering to take her back her family and save her from the life threatening perverse tentacles, Link was yelled and scorned at, by the repulsive water breather. So she told Link that she had to find her mother's precious stone that she, for some retarded reason, brought with her when she was feeding the monstrous Jabu-Jabu. (Here's a question Ruto, if it's so "precious", then why in the name of Din, would freakin bring it with you when you're feeding the fat, vacuum poser his daily meal?!) So after many life threatening encounters with oddly colored jelly fish and hentai tentacles, Link finally managed to make his was to the mini boss room, where his prayers, and ours, were answered.  
  
Ruto leapt onto a center platform was blasted into a randomly placed hole in the ceiling, where she screamed until the vain in her freakishly large head exploded! Then, down on the platform came Big Octo, a large Octopus who was almost as overweight and blubbery King Zora himself. So after the fight with Big Octo and risking his dear young life, Link got to the room were Princess Ruto was taken to. But thankfully, she wasn't there! But on the bad side, an explainable jellyfish controller named Barinade was. So Link fought another vicious battle slicing with his sword, blocking with his shield, and with a throw of his boomerang, Barinade was destroyed leaving a sicky residue behind.  
  
So after his courageous battles, Link found himself face to face with the smelly Ruto. So after yelling at him, abusing him, and emotionally scaring him, Ruto did the most unexplainable thing in the history of Hyrule. She actually had the nerve to propose to the soon-to-be player. But the catch was, her proposal stone just so happened to be the exact same spiritual stone that Link needed to save Hyrule and rescue his true love, Princess Zelda. So he took the stone and ran off like any person with common sense would. And then left Ruto causing her to become depressed and excessively lonely, but it wasn't like anybody really cared. And that night, the people of Hyrule had some gewd sushi for dinner. (I'm hoping you all get that. Sushi-fish. Zora-fish. Kentucky Fried Zora! It's what's for dinner!)  
  
The End!  
  
And remember; always hate the despicable Ruto! I don't know what her problem is, but it's probably really hard to pronounce. 


End file.
